Preface

" I stand up.I am very quiet. Let the months and years come, they can take nothing from me, they can take nothing more. I am so alone, and so without hope that I can confront them without fear. The life that has borne me through these years is still in my hands and my eyes. Whether I have subdued it, I know not. But so long as it is there it will seek its own way out, heedless of the will that is within me."- Erich Maria Remarque


I suppose I started off like anyone else, beating my head against walls, trying to dull out the noise of my masses. I guess I beat my head against alcohol, sleep, insomnia, sex. Anything to drown out the outside world. I still try to drwon out the world, I'm less dramatic about it these days- I turn up the volume on my stereo and read dilligently.
I wish that I could be a complete idiot. Then I might be content with everything in my life. Perhaps the goal in life is to be dumb, and some people are definitely already there, and I am not. This cannot possibly be fair.
It started the way most things start. I read more, thought more than everyone I'd ever known. I read everything I can get my hands on, I think deeply about everything I do. I know. I know. There's no point in my telling you this... these aren't even the important bits. You'll have to see for yourself.